The abacus is a simple yet elegant calculating machine. There is something about it that is ingenious, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.
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To find corroborating evidence for evolution, you just have to dig around a little bit.
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The Neanderthal’s source of fire wasn’t a match for later developments.
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Searching for dinosaur fossils can be very lucrative, make no bones about it.
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The prominent archaeologist declined an invitation to lecture on a recent dinosaur discovery because he said he didn’t dig it.
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Once all the various parts of a dinosaur skeleton have been properly cleaned, cataloged, and thoroughly studied, archaeologists have to bone up on how to assemble them for display.
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The renowned geologist declined the chairmanship of a very prestigious research committee because he felt he already had too much on his plate.
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Hydrologists seeking sources of water have to do a hole lot of digging.
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Hydrology experts try to avoid consulting on certain hydroelectric projects because they’re dammed if they do and dammed if they don’t.
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A hydrologist’s mindset when drilling for water: “Well, well, well…”
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The robot needed to have the mechanism holding his arm in place looked at because he had wrenched his shoulder.
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Q: What’s it called when a cow invents a machine that uses no energy?
A: It’s called a perpetual moo-tion machine.
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The development of the telegraph was key in the history of long-distance communications.
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Ever wonder why you can’t buy a computer at a hardware store?
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Q: What’s the hardware inside a cow’s computer called?
A: The moo-ther board.
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An hourglass has no mechanical or moving parts but does get sand in the works.
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The ancient sundial tells time without any shadow of a doubt, except on overcast days.
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The abacus is a handy accounting tool: it’s always at your fingertips.
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Early calculators were generally reliable, and you could usually count on them.
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A protractor is always trying to figure out the angles to get ahead.
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As for which instrument—the protractor or the compass—is more useful in engineering drawing, it’s a matter of degrees.
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You have to admit the compass can draw circles around all other instruments.
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Solving a geometry problem is often a matter of degrees.
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In geometry one simple problem is to locate a position in space, but what’s the point?
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It can help to solve a geometry problem if you approach it from the right angle.
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A right angle isn’t always the right answer.
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In order to stay ahead of all the brighter students, geometry teachers have to know all the angles.
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Geometry teachers have to remain acute in their instruction and can’t afford to be obtuse.
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In order to not lose their students, geometry teachers can’t go off on tangents.
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The geometry teacher rewarded her students with an end-of-year party where she served apple pi a la mode.
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Teaching geometry isn’t a simple matter. You do have to earn certain degrees and playing the angles generally doesn’t work.
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Math teachers are highly organized and teach their courses by the numbers.
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When considering a career as a math teacher, one has to think of the pluses and minuses to know if it will add up in the long run.
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When math teachers have children, do they raise them on formulas?
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When math teachers have children, do they chuckle at the fact that they’re multiplying?
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When math teachers date other math teachers, the first thing they do is exchange numbers.
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The math teacher was upset because his date accused him of being calculating.
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Math teachers do it by the numbers.
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Doing well on a math final is always a calculated risk.
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Doing calculations during a math final can be difficult, but your fingers are something you can count on.
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When I took calculus in school, I found it to be pretty formulaic.
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The math student did well on the final exam because he said it was easy as pi.
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In order to get an apartment, math students need a cosiner.
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Successful math departments make use of the latest curriculum materials and encourage creative ideas. That about sums it up.
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The baker near the university was asked to bake several pi charts for a mathematics conference. These went over well in mathematical circles.
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In theory, all scientific inquiry became simpler when mathematicians and scientists switched from Arabic numerals to binary zeroes and ones. To me, it just doesn’t add up.
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The mathematical placeholder “zero” has its origins in ancient Babylonia and India. Initially it was thought to be extremely important, but it turned out to be nothing.
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Euclid’s cataloging of axioms and theorems into a coherent and elegant deductive system was simply plane genius.
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What’s amazing about Euclid’s development of the system we know as geometry is that he wasn’t a plane fellow.
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Galileo made significant and major contributions to the science of pendulums by getting into the swing of things.
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Albert Einstein was a genius, relatively speaking.
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Do you ever wonder what kind of formula Einstein was raised on as an infant?
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When Einstein first studied light, the particle portion was straightforward, but the other part he couldn’t wave off.
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Physicists once thought space was largely empty, but then they learned it didn’t really matter.
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When the doctoral student in physics couldn’t decide on a specialty area for her dissertation, her faculty advisor said, “It doesn’t matter.”
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If you think gravity is a joke, don’t fall for it.
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Sir Isaac Newton first became interested in gravity when something about it struck him.
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If it is a sound barrier, what causes it to break?
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The quantum physicist took up the guitar because he was studying string theory.
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Initial results in the search for the Higgs boson were wrong, but that didn’t make a particle of difference.
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Physicists at the Large Hadron Collider go ‘round and ‘round with one test after another.
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Physicists working at the Large Hadron Collider travel in very fast circles.
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Physicists at the Large Hadron Collider test their theories again and again because one good turn deserves another.
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Insurance companies are trying to sell collision coverage policies to the operators of the Large Hadron Collider. So far they haven’t had a particle of success.
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The Large Hadron Collider can run circles around any other facility.
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Astrophysicists studying the origins of the universe get a bang out of their research.
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The astrophysicist’s graduate dissertation was on the light and background radiation of the early universe, but he had to alter his thesis when he realized it was a darker matter than he’d thought.
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After the well-known astronomer won the Nobel Prize for Science, his budding young assistant received the constellation prize for her stellar work in the field.
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The astronomer broke off her engagement because she said she needed her space.
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The peeping Tom told the judge that he was just an astronomer looking for heavenly bodies.
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Heavenly bodies are attracted to each other because of the gravity of the situation.
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Q: What planet in our solar system is named in honor of a cow?
A: Moo-rcury.
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Going to the moon the first time was technically difficult because it really was rocket science.
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As old as the moon is, it’s still going through phases.
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Q: What’s it called when Merlin Cow changes lead into gold?
A: Trans-moo-tation.
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The chemistry teacher became discouraged because he wasn’t getting the reactions he wanted from his students.
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The chair of the chemistry department gives occasional dinners for chemistry students, served on his periodic table.
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The chemistry professor always gives elementary quizzes to test his students’ knowledge.
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High school chemistry teachers love to give periodic pop quizzes.
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Q: What’s the scientific term that describes an albino cow?
A: It’s a genetic condition resulting from a moo-tation.
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Getting pregnant isn’t always fun, but for some it’s a lot of laughs because it starts with a test tickle.
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I don’t know why but there’s something that bugs me about the field of entomology.
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Not all entomologists are creepy; some can really be very nice.
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The shortstop for the SF Giants worked in the off-season as an entomologist catching flies.
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The ornithologist gathered his students in the field blind for a bird’s-eye view.
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There’s something fishy about someone who studies to become an ichthyologist.
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It’s understandable that when a renowned ichthyologist publishes a book, he’s going to fish for compliments.
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The director of the oceanography vessel was studying the habits of dolphins, but his crew wanted to know what was the porpoise?
