The favorite candy of sailors is Lifesavers.
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The army corporal was the Lone Ranger to survive boot camp.
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The corporal told the colonel he was a pilot in the US Army. “We don’t have pilots in the Army, son,” said the colonel. “All due respect, we do, Sir,” said the corporal. “My sergeant tells me to ‘pile it’ here, then tells me to ‘pile it’ over there!”
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In his war against weight gain the general decided he needed to put boots on the ground in early morning walks.
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The lieutenant colonel was concerned that the matter would become a major issue and, in general, cause havoc instead of remaining a private concern. He didn’t want things to become a sordid and rank affair.
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The army sergeant was busted down a rank as corporal punishment.
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Q: What’s it called when a military cow is stripped of a rank?
A: It’s called a de-moo-tion.
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The soldier refused to answer where he’d been because he felt it was a private matter.
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The howitzer squad trained hard to discharge their duties.
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Soldiers hate digging latrines because it’s a hole waste of time.
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Sailors hate KP duty because it’s just not a-peeling.
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KP is always the dreaded duty assignment in the army. It doesn’t take much to get steamed with all the menial tasks.
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Meals for the army out on the battlefield boil down to a simple mess.
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After extensive research into improved means for peeling potatoes, the army settled on the best potato peeler: it’s called a private.
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When the sergeant was caught stealing coffee from the mess hall, the base commander decided it was grounds for disciplinary action.
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The mess sergeant was a student of philosophy of sorts and daily posted “food for thought” for the enlisted personnel.
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Would it surprise you to learn that it takes two minutemen to cook an egg?
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The minuteman’s wife said it was time to go, but he said, “Just a second!”
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When the young ensign’s wife saw his ship leave on a 6-month tour, she waved goodbye to him from the pier.
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When the young army wife gave birth to a son on a flight from Eugene to Denver, her son joined the elite ranks of the army air-born.
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It used to be that when a soldier wanted to contact family, it required getting pen and paper, envelope, and stamp. Now it’s just a matter of “Home Tweet Home.”
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It used to be in order to send men off to war, they had to stand in a draft.
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When the retired war veteran decided to run for public office, his primary goal was to serve his country.
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Q: What was the cow engineer’s job at the Pentagon?
A: She designed high-tech Am-moo-nition.
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When the gunnery crew aboard the Destroyer was given coordinates for their target, it was their aim to fire quickly and accurately.
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When the mortar squad miscalculated distances and elevations and missed their target, they were mortarfied.
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When the drill instructor lost his voice he resorted to heavy-handed sign language.
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Drill sergeants mostly are mean and tough and have the reputation of being loud speakers.
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Army ordinance experts work with explosive elements all the time. Under the most tenuous of conditions, you won’t find one who’ll take a powder.
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The army sergeant was suspended from the bomb squad when he came to work totally bombed.
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The cease fire was broken when the rebel leader triggered an incident.
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The terrorist’s reign of horror met an abrupt end when he came to the end of his rope.
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A squad of soldiers got together once and formed a musical group, calling themselves “The Band of Brothers.”
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The tank crew was so anxious to go on weekend leave, they made tracks to get going.
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In terms of their training skills, tank drivers are on the right track.
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Army tank drivers are highly trained in tracking skills.
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The tank driver’s date felt he was being too armorous.
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The coast guard captain asked his wife why someone would call and ask, “Is the coast clear?”
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The coast guard admiral decided it was time to retire because he felt these last few years he’d just been coasting.
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The coast guard helicopter pilot had logged 1,700 hours of flight time but had an up-and-down history of accidents.
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The training of helicopter pilots seems to have its ups and downs.
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The trainers of helicopter pilots are like overprotective mothers: they tend to hover.
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Drone pilots fly by the seat of their pants. You have to monitor all of their work.
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Drone pilots tend to be introverts and have few friends because they’re so remote.
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Lucky for drone pilots, they don’t die when their computers crash.
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The CIA’s program of drones is considered a black op. It has no congressional oversight, and is pretty much a fly-by-night operation.
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Pilots who remotely operate aircraft are discouraged from disclosing what they do because once you get them started, they’ll drone on and on.
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Do pilots of drones graduate from the Air Force Academy with a degree in video games?
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The air force pilot was set to lecture a class at the Air Force Academy, but at the last minute, out of nervousness, bailed out on the assignment.
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The air force pilot was rejected by the astronaut corps because his superiors felt he was too spaced out.
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Top Gun pilots are sometimes called “hot dogs” because they’ve mustard a lot of courage to get this far and relish pushing the limits.
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A major part of the training of the Army Airborne School is to not jump to any hasty conclusions.
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Paratroopers train extensively before putting their training to the test, but when the time comes, they jump at the chance to step out of that aircraft.
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Paratroopers spend a lot of time in training under suspension.
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Paratroopers are an especially highly trained, but jumpy, group.
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The problem with stealth aircrafts is that you sometimes can’t find where you left them.
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Stealth uniforms didn’t go over well with military personnel who called them “the Emperor’s new clothes.”
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The various teams assisting in the launching and retrieval of aircraft on an aircraft carrier wear color-coded gear. As a fashion statement, they’re well-decked out.
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Sailors serving aboard aircraft carriers have to be top flight in their chosen areas of expertise.
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The navy carrier pilot was a hothead, and one time when his mouth got away from him, a fellow pilot decked him.
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The overweight navy admiral was the butt of jokes because those who served under him all said he was in “ship shape.”
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When the call went out during WWII for women to join the navy, there was a huge wave of response.
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In the navy, all recruits have to “shape up” and “ship out.”
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The boson’s mate swallowed his whistle, which was initially cause for concern, but everything came out all right in the end.
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The navy mechanic slipped on the icy deck and wrenched his shoulder. The surgeon used a socket wrench to ease the pain.
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Medics mainly do a patch-up job on the battlefield.
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When naval ships leave their anchorage they first have to put their anchors aweigh.
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Q: What’s it called when a cow sailor defies an admiral’s orders?
A: It’s called moo-tiny.
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On occasion, navy chow can be exceptional in a good way, but let’s not go overboard here.
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Sailors swab the decks of ships as a sort of mopping up action.
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The training of sailors is a highly complex process, but in the end, it’s all awash.
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The initial step in the fire suppression sequence aboard naval vessels is blanket coverage of all fires.
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The highest award for a fire suppression squad on naval ships is the “Extinguished Service Medal” for courage under fire.
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The motto for the fire suppression teams on all naval ships is “S’nuff for now.”
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When the navy recruit was interviewed for the submarine service, he got that sinking feeling he wasn’t going to get in.
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At the Naval Academy, those selecting the submarine service strive to rise to the top of their class.
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Our submariners are the hippest of our military service personnel because they get down with the navy.
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Sailors who volunteer for the submarine service tend to be introverts who choose it because it’s considered the “silent service.”
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Many in the submarine service are introverts who run silent, run deep.
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All submariners love the underwater service because the tradition, for them, runs deep.
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Sailors in the submarine service are always under pressure when they submerge, even for training missions.
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The men of the submarine planned a surprise party for their commander, but on learning of their plans, he torpedoed it all.
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A submarine commander has to maintain an even keel and keep his emotions submerged to command the respect of his crew.
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Q: In what branch of the military did the cow serve?
A: The US Moo-rine Corps.
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When the marine major was caught with illegal drugs, he was embarrassed to the corps.
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The marine colonel was grounded for getting high.
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The marine sergeant didn’t truck with being assigned to the motor pool.
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The marine sergeant said being assigned to the motor pool was driving him crazy.
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The angry marine fighter pilot was grounded for flying off the handle.
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Marine pilots tend to push the limits, but draw the line on a “crash course” in flight training.
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The US Marines have a high standard for discipline because of their corps values.
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All-new marine recruits get their heads shaved. This begins the process of being shorn of all their hairitage so the corps can build them into marines.
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One female marine was sorely disappointed when she learned that her dress uniform wasn’t what she thought.
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During basic training, new marines receive instruction on how to properly dig a foxhole. For many, this is an empty experience.
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Navajo marines during WWII used their native language to confuse the enemy.
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Three marines got into a fight at the local bar in town and knew they were off base.
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When the hippie kid joined the marines, he thought getting his hair cut would be a complicated affair, but the barber handled it easily because he used a shortcut.
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Q: What’s the first thing an anti-war cow does?
A: She joins the peace moo-vement.
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After the marines hit the beach and secure a beachhead, the Seabees come in and make inroads into the interior.
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The Seabees are excellent when it comes to working on infrastructure: many are Roads Scholars.
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When the Seabees face tough conditions after landing on the beach, their first move is to build confidence.
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The Seabees use bulldozers whenever they get into a close scrape.
