Q: What’s it called when a cow has a runny nose?
A: Moo-cus.
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How long does a physician have to work before they’re no longer practicing?
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Should you trust a physician if he’s just starting his practice?
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It’s a good time to change physicians if you find yours is doctoring the books.
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It’s a good time to change physicians if you find yours wanting to play doctor.
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When you’re young and healthy, having a medical condition requiring medication can be a hard pill to swallow.
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Q: What did the cow’s therapist prescribe for her depression?
A: Moo-d altering drugs.
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If you spend a lot of time outdoors in the sunlight and smile a lot, are you at risk for developing cancer by the skin of your teeth?
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When the veteran outdoorsman came down with Lyme disease, he was really ticked off.
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Q: How does malaria spread from cow to cow?
A: Through moo-squito bites.
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The new US ambassador to the United Nations made certain he had all of his shots because he wanted to ensure his diplomatic immunity.
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Even now as an adult I hate getting shots. What’s the point?
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Q: What’s it called when a cow gets a shot for cow-pox?
A: It’s called im-moo-nization.
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The homeowner running from the house to the patio ran into the screen door and strained his shoulder.
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A good physical therapist has just the right touch.
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Physical therapy and the bakery business have this in common: they both knead something to succeed.
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Because of patient needs, successful chiropractors may have periods when they have serious backlogs.
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The retired chiropractor decided to come out of retirement, resume his practice, and get back into his work.
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Q: Why did they think the cow was unstable?
A: The clue was her moo-d swings.
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The young orthopedic surgeon loved his job and made no bones about it.
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For a pediatric surgeon, every operation is minor surgery.
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Amongst physicians, surgeons are a cut above other specialists.
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You don’t ever want your surgery to cost you an arm and a leg.
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The surly surgeon didn’t work well with others because of his sharp tongue and cutting remarks.
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A person’s decision to undergo plastic surgery is usually based on notions of flaws-and-effect.
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The surgical student quit the specialized program because he just couldn’t cut it.
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Q: What’s the most common psychiatric diagnosis given to cows?
A: Moo-ltiple Personality Disorder.
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After med school, dermatologists are just itching to hang out their shingle.
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Dermatologists occasionally treat conditions that tend to get under your skin.
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In terms of patient clientele, dermatologists barely scratch the surface in numbers.
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While you can’t say dermatologists are shallow, they do restrict their focus to surface conditions.
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Cardiologists treat conditions that are always at the heart of the matter.
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Cardiologists naturally want to keep the pulse of the nation’s health.
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When the thoughtless jerk left and broke her heart, her brother, a police officer, placed him under cardiac arrest.
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Cardiologists have a reputation for having a good bedside manner because they’re all heart.
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Proctologists are known for quickly getting to the seat of the problem.
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Acupuncturists train extensively to pinpoint the source of your ailments.
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Acupuncturists can be annoying because their procedures involve needling you a bit.
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The acupuncturist was on pins and needles on his way to his licensing exam, when he got stuck in traffic.
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Q: What’s it called when a cow gets sick riding in a car?
A: She’s suffering from moo-tion sickness.
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Optometry students study and work hard because they have their eyes on the future.
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The ophthalmologist was caught running a scam selling “intelligent glasses” for people whose eyes were smarting.
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The narcissistic ophthalmologist had a hard time seeing I-to-I with anyone else.
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Observe a narcissistic ophthalmologist just for a moment, and you’ll get an I-full.
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A thoracic surgeon full of himself would be hard to stomach.
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As a thoracic surgeon, he had a difficult time because he couldn’t stomach the long workdays.
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Psychiatrists specialize in patients who are notorious head cases.
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Q: Why didn’t the cow make a good therapist?
A: She was too e-moo-tional.
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Audiologists have an ear for what might be ailing you.
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Audiologists are great listeners because they’re all ears.
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Podiatrists just starting their practice have to get a toe-hold in order to succeed.
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The podiatrist started what promised to be a successful business by first getting his foot in the door.
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The podiatrist has good standing in the community for treating the agony of de-feet.
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Pediatricians face a litigious group any time they don’t deliver.
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Specialists working in a hospital’s hematology lab initially take a blood-oath.
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The radiologist got into serious trouble because all his photographs turned out to be x-rayted.
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You can’t lie to a radiologist—he can see right through you.
