Born to Pun: Law and Military

When the President’s family picnic was hit by a cold hard rain, the band struck up “Hail to The Chief.”

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When someone is running for public office they’re thoroughly vetted. This is to see if they ever served in the military, and sometimes it’s to see how they love and care for their pets.

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The two egocentric politicians cut their debate short because they were both me-deep in conversation and neither could get a word in edgewise.

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When the Air Force pilot failed to qualify for the space program, he joined the ranks of the astronaughts.

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The pilot in the 57th Chicken Fighter Squadron was a victim of friendly fire when he shot himself down by gunning his engine.

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Pilots of the 57th Chicken Fighter Squadron loved piloting fighter aircraft because they were in total control in the cockpit.

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When the colonel retired from the 57th Chicken Fighter Squadron, he thought he’d start a fast-food franchise in Kentucky.

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Pilots of the 57th Chicken Fighter Squadron are a tight group and think of themselves as birds of a feather.

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Pilots with the 57th Chicken Fighter Squadron are fiercely modest and getting them to tell about their exploits is like pulling hen’s teeth.

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The inexperienced officer improperly arrested the Shepherd Academy graduate because he was told the student was in a business with crooks.

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The economy was tight during WWII and the pay for pilots of the 57th Chicken Fighter Squadron was so low, they felt they were being paid chickenfeed.

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Contemplation isn’t a trait you’d normally ascribe to spies, but some have been known to engage in naval gazing.

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The chicken detective had a reputation for solving crimes quickly because he could eggstrapolate from scant evidence.

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What you didn’t know is that the CIA recruits persons with lower IQs for their counter-intelligence division.

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When young Owl was appointed to a judgeship, he first served on the Fly-by-Night Court.

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Sailors graduating from the U.S. Naval Academy like to slow dance at the reception because it involves a naval engagement.

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There are some politicians who should be on the stage performing in “The Lyin’ King.”

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The best-selling lunch served in the congressional dining room is the classic baloney sandwich, with sour grapes for dessert.

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It is a proven fact that to anger a judge is to court major troubles.

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There are some countries in the world where wars rage, making them unsafe terrortories.

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The young ear of corn was considered a rising star in the Marine Corps; he quickly rose to the rank of kernel.

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The potato failed the physical for the Army because of his multiple eye troubles.

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The potato private went out on the town, got mashed, and ended up in the brig.

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It’s a mistake to think Army paratroopers aren’t a highly disciplined military unit just because they hang around a lot.

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The chicken attorney hatched a plan to eggshonorate her client.

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When the oppressive regime shut down the newspapers, radio, and TV sources, the nation became depressed.

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Do you ever wonder if “artificial intelligence” (AI) has gotten totally out of control? How else do you explain congress?

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The chicken navigator aboard a WWII flying fortress had the reputation of never getting lost on her way to a target or getting home because unlike her male counterparts, she always stopped and asked for directions.

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Pilots of the 57th Chicken Fighter Squadron are confident enough in their knowledge about flaps that they don’t need to wing it.

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Chicken pilots flying B-17s during WWII had instinctive knowledge to feather the engine’s prop when one of their engines caught fire.

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When senior pilots of the 57th Chicken Fighter Squadron retire they are often called dinosaurs, but that’s a distinction they bear with honor because it’s in their DNA.

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I can visualize the meaning of “stand up” but am having a hard time seeing what it means to “stand down.”

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The candidates gave us such little food for thought that it was hard to stomach this campaign season.

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The woman ended her relationship with the judge because she’d expected him to court her.

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The elderly judge started dating a younger woman. The jury is still out as to whether it’s a good idea or not.

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For the king’s coronation, the dentist presented him with a gold crown.

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The chicken did well giving eggspert testimony for the defense.

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The judge ruled that the evidence the chicken provided was eggstraneous to the case.

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The chicken senator felt that suggesting the bill about in vitro fertilization was the eggspedient thing to do.

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Caught off guard by the reporter’s question, the chicken running for office spoke eggstemporaneously.

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Chickens running for public office are called upon to eggshibit good common sense.

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The chicken detective began with an eggsamination of the clues in the case.

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The chicken attorney felt bringing up that issue would only eggsaserbate matters.

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Anticipating the county deputy chicken coming to eggspropriate the property, the residents flew the coop.

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The chicken judge ruled in an eggsparte decision in favor of the defendant.

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No one eggspected the chicken judge to recuse herself from the case.

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The chicken was called to testify because of her eggspertise.

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Because of her age, the chicken was eggsempt from serving jury duty.

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The chicken lawyer objected to the law passed eggs post facto.

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The chicken politician trained herself to eggsude confidence during campaign speeches. That’s why she’s first peck for the position.

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Anytime congressional committees meet to consider the budget for the CIA’s covert operations, it’s always on a hidden agenda.

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Congress has no idea the size of the CIA’s covert operations budget because of a problem of intentional oversight.

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The detective easily solved the train robbery because the suspect had a locomotive.

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The Major’s presentation at West Point on infantry rifles contained an extensive number of bullet points.

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The graduate from the police academy was highly qualified, having earned his third degree.

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Crime Scene Investigators are trained in forensick science.

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Drug mules occasionally hide drugs in their underwear. DEA agents are wary of reaching in to gather evidence for fear of being pricked.

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The chairman of the special senate investigative committee wanted to expose the naked truth about pornography.

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The special FBI task force on child pornography didn’t want to just handle the problem with kid gloves.

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When the police department’s task force on illegal pornography released its report to the press, it exposed the widespread extent of the problem.

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The special investigative committee was called together to look intensively into illegal pornography. Male senators were especially interested in joining the committee.

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The special investigator testifying before a select senate committee on pornography used graphic charts to make his case.

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The mathematician joined the Navy’s submarine service so he could do subdivision.

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Big Bird and Elmo decided they’d go into politics and start a puppet government by setting up offices on a special street in your neighborhood.

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Ordinance men working on long-range bombers during WWII stenciled this message on the bombs: “Get a load of this!”

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During WWII, allied chicken pilots communicated with each other on their squawk boxes.

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In intensive fighting in the air over numerous Pacific islands during WWII, the 57th Chicken Fighter Squadron acquitted itself well and wasn’t just a fly-by-night outfit.

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During WWII, the enlistments of rookies for the 57th Chicken Fighter Squadron was high, as was the record pace by which they quickly earned their wings.

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The pilots of the 57th Chicken Fighter Squadron relished their work because this was the only way they could get off the ground.

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Men who flew pursuit planes during WWI wore silk scarves around their necks. That was because they thought they did a dandy job of flying planes.

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The Beijing police picked up a man named Thomas accused of being a Peking Tom.

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When the largemouth bass was recommended for a federal judgeship, it was with an eye towards affecting the scales of justice.

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When screening recruits for the Grammar Police, it’s important to ensure the comically unstable don’t end up on the streets with a badge and a pun.

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The Grammar Police generally avoid getting into politics, but they had to do something when Hyphen said he was a uniter, not a divider.

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The Grammar Police surrounded Period with guns drawn and shouted, “Stop right there!”

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The Superior Court judge took his daughter to work, where she witnessed a misstrial.

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The rooster had a lot to live down as a marine, because when the bullets started to fly around, his buddies said he was a chicken.

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The hummingbird specifically joined the Air Force so he could fly helicopters and hovercrafts.

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The mallard joined the Air Force and handily earned his wings.

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During the severe drought, the self-centered monarch had his royal court perform ceremonial reign dances.

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When the furniture manufacturer received a notice from the King’s secretary canceling an order for a royal chair, he was thrown for a loss.

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When the novice drug runner got wind that the DEA agents were closing in on his transit house, he took a powder.

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The Marine Corps company bugler performed in so many ceremonies for fallen comrades that by the end of the day, he was tapped out.

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As a unique and consummate conductor and composer, John Phillips Souza marched to his own drummer.

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When the toymaker decided to become a dictator, he established a puppet regime.

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The dictator was so egocentric, he reigned on his own parade.

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The ASL interpreter was in court for the prosecution, where he fingered the suspect.

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Sailors with severe hearing deficits don’t mind serving on submarines because it’s considered the silent service.

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When the private failed to carry out the order, the Chicken Colonel told him he was in a peck of trouble.

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The Chicken Colonel always thought of the military chain-of-command as a rigorous pecking order.

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When the Chicken Speaker of the House closed debate on the measure, the other representatives squawked loudly but to no avail.

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Life for the pilots of the 57th Chicken Fighter Squadron was rarely calm. There was always some kind of flap or another.

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Chicken bombardiers flying in B-17 flying fortresses during WWII dropped their eggs over enemy oil fields, munitions dumps, and strategic bridges.

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The photographer was apprehended by police and charged with an alleged shooting incident. Police were focusing on his motive.

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The spirit of brotherhood among pilots of the 57th Chicken Fighter Squadron was strong. In the pitch of battle, they egged each other on.

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The first ace among the pilots of the 57th Chicken Fighter Squadron was “Red” from Rhode Island.

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Pilots with the 57th Chicken Fighter Squadron were a superstitious lot, always flying on a wing and a prayer.

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Did you know that a ship of the Continental Navy under the command of John Paul Jones was named for an orthopedic surgeon? She was the Bonehomme Richard.

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The entrepreneurial chicken attorney specialized in cases where clients were afowl of the law.