Do you have to turn your sundial back an hour when daylight savings ends?
***
If a sundial uses Roman numerals, is it giving the time in Rome?
***
Some of the ritual meanings of the sundial in ancient ceremonies are lost in the shadows of time.
***
Sundials don’t work at all after the sun goes down; that’s the dark part of its history.
***
When you’re telling time with a sundial, there’s always a shadow of a doubt as to its accuracy.
***
To discern the mind of an archaeologist, you don’t have to dig very deep.
***
What accounted for the spread of the early Roman Empire? Was it because of the Roamin’ Legions?
***
The mortician and the archaeologist have a very strange kind of relationship: they dig up dates for each other.
***
The Prodigal Son caused quite a stir at Thanksgiving when he brought a salad to the gathering undressed.
***
American Indians were the original people who lived in the land of the brave, home of the free. This was before illegal immigrants started coming.
***
Johannes Gutenberg was a patient man with his first effort because he wasn’t pressed for time.
***
Johannes Gutenberg, inventor of the printing press, left an imprint on the pages of history.
***
For all the interesting things in their lives, the Wright Brothers led a plane existence.
***
Thomas A. Edison invented the light bulb, much to the delight of everyone.
***
It is said Demosthenes placed pebbles in his mouth and shouted against the waves to overcome stuttering. It is also said he had a gravelly voice.
***
Let’s just set the record straight: Thomas A. Edison did invent the phonograph.
***
David was able to vanquish Goliath by getting into the sling of things.
***
The origin of puns dates back to the time Homo sapiens first stepped out onto the open savanna and exclaimed, “Now that’s just plain beautiful!”
***
Deciphering the language of the Neanderthal is virtually impossible, but those working on it are putting in a lot of grunt work.
***
In old colonial Williamsburg, the saddest person of all was the town crier.
***
When archaeologists are working a dig, they have a lot of time on their hands.
***
Johannes Gutenberg worked slowly to ensure accuracy, and when work piled up, he pressed on.
***
Johannes Gutenberg did well in the printing business because he was the right type for the job.
***
Hermann Rorschach failed his own projective testing protocol, which ended up a blot on his reputation.
***
Henry Ford’s engineers came up with a design that fit his model car to a “T.”
***
Young Chicken Arthur drew the sword Eggscaliber out of the stone and beakcame king over the realm.
***
Zeus reigned as the King of Rain and reined in his subjects with the threat of a thunderbolt.
***
It’s a little known fact that Will Rogers was the first cowboy poet lariat in America.
***
As a youth, Nicholas II of Russia aspired to be a geologist so he could be a rock tsar.
***
Early humans learned to count by using their fingers. This was the first digital computer.
***
There was a time in our past when it wasn’t right to be left-handed. It was often handled with a ruler.
***
Some people thought that being left-handed was a sinister thing. For the most part, we’ve left that thinking behind.
***
Icarus made the serious mistake of flying high.
***
Albert Einstein came up with the one bright formula that really matters.
***
Werner Heisenberg’s colleagues just wished to hell he’d just make up his mind.
***
Werner Heisenberg almost didn’t get married; he just wasn’t certain.
***
Cyclops was one mythological Greek giant with singular vision.
***
Werner Heisenberg just messed with everybody’s minds. He just didn’t know.
***
There were some days Werner Heisenberg didn’t know if he was coming or going.
***
For Werner Heisenberg, there were days when everything seemed to be up in the air.
***
After his major discovery, Werner Heisenberg wasn’t sure of much of anything.
***
Werner Heisenberg was absolute in his uncertainty. He just didn’t know.
***
In Werner Heisenberg’s experimental findings, it either was or it wasn’t. He couldn’t make up his mind.
***
In exasperation, Werner Heisenberg finally just guessed, because he had a 50% chance he was right.
***
Werner Heisenberg’s first girlfriend rejected his principle because she wanted a lasting relationship.
***
Neptune’s daughter grew up learning to get into the swim of things.
***
Neptune’s daughter had a strict curfew: She had to be home by high tide.
***
Archaeologists spend most of their time digging around in our past.
***
Samuel Morse developed a code that enabled him to dash off a message on the dot.
***
Archaeologists tend to remain apolitical to ensure they don’t jeopardize various potential funding sources. Occasionally, one will open his mouth and dig himself into a hole.
***
Samson wasn’t really preoccupied with fashion styles, but he made a statement when he brought down the house over his hair.
***
Atlas struggled with bouts of depression because he always felt he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.
***
The anthropologist was only slightly surprised to learn that the young native men tried to scare young native women to get them to jump out of their skins.
***
In terms of choice in music archaeologists tend to prefer the “golden oldies.”
***
When the Greek owner of an auto towing company suddenly died, his son took over the business and ran it with his mother. They named the new business Oedipus Wrecks.
***
In the 1950s and ‘60s, the Burma Shave Company posted roadside sign language for deaf motorists.
***
When Alexander Graham Bell was working on the first telephone, his contemporary colleagues thought of him as a ding-a-ling.
***
Early humans witnessed solar eclipses and we know this because someone posted it on the wall of a cave. It isn’t clear whether they understood what was happening or if there was a shadow of a doubt.
***
Preparing for war in ancient times was arduous business, especially for those sharpening swords and spear points, for whom it was a daily grind.
***
Homer and Jethro’s families had been feuding for generations, so when Homer fired 100 rounds into Jethro’s house, Jethro sued him for rifling his abode.
***
Paleontologists spend years researching the origins and early history of the human species. To do this, they have to bone up on volumes of data.
***
The Emperor Nero was reputed to be a man of low moral character. It is said he fiddled around as Rome burned.
***
George Washington Carver was a botanist and inventor and was able to make a nice living on just peanuts.
***
The pioneers of flight learned that certain principles applied to the success of their efforts and knowing this was uplifting.
***
The Wright brothers had a bicycle repair business and worked hard to get their new interest of powered flight off the ground.
***
The Wright brothers ran a bicycle repair and manufacturing shop. They decided to establish it as a chain store, but it didn’t catch on because they didn’t have many links.
***
Orville and Wilbur Wright were so successful in their efforts in early powered flight that interest in airplanes literally took off.
***
As bicycle repair specialists, Orville and Wilbur Wright didn’t wait long after their successful flight to pedal the idea of airplanes.
***
Orville and Wilbur Wright got off to a flying start with their attempts at early powered flight.
***
Orville and Wilbur Wright were successful in their attempts with powered flight because of their plane persistence.
***
Orville and Wilbur Wright were avid students of manned flight and through extensive study and persistence were not to be foiled.
***
The Wright brothers were inventors and knew enough from experience that with powered flight, you could not succeed by simply winging it.
***
When it came to aeronautical design, the Wright brothers relied on plane old geometry.
***
Orville and Wilbur Wright were interviewed extensively on the local radio station after their successful powered flight. They appreciated the airtime.
***
The first powered flight by Orville and Wilbur Wright didn’t last long. It felt as though the experience just flew by.
***
When Orville and Wilbur Wright met frustrating situations, they tended to fly off the handle.
***
When the Chaos Gang attempted to rob a gold shipment on a Union Pacific train, they were so disorganized that their plans were held up.
***
When actor Pat Morita of The Karate Kid movies retired, he started a car detailing business he called “Wax on. Wax off.”
***
When Johannes Gutenberg was a young man, he was pursued by a beautiful young woman who fancied him, but he rejected her because she wasn’t his type.
***
Were stonemasons the originators of the Masonic Order?
***
When Jesus threw the moneychangers out of the Temple, they were upset because they said they were there for the prophet.
***
Orville and Wilbur stubbornly pursued their dreams of powered flight and were successful because they made a series of Wright decisions.
***
Albert Einstein was highly involved with his family but to him, it sometimes was just relative.
***
It is a little understood fact that J.R.R. Tolkien wrote about vampires in his trilogy, The Lord of the Rings, when he wrote about Fangorn Forest.
***
It is a little known fact of history that vampires were instrumental in the battle of Bloody Ridge in the Korean War.
***
Archaeologists learn one lesson early in their careers, that being when you dig yourself into a hole, you stop digging.
***
Cyclops was the go-to guy when it came to negotiating with the enemy because he could always see eye-to-eye with anyone.
***
Is Mt. Rushmore considered a monument dedicated to a rock group?
***
Icarus was a bold but foolish son who disregarded his father’s warning and made an ash of himself flying too close to the sun.
***
The archaeologist wondered why the sphinx was placed near the pyramids of Giza, but he ran into a wall of stone in the matter.
***
The cat was a highly regarded and revered part of the mythology and ideology of ancient Egypt. Some researchers believe it was because early Pharaohs were just feline fine.
***
It was recorded in several ancient texts that the Pharaoh of the Middle Dynasty wrote about why the pyramid complex at Giza was built in that spot. The sphinx has been silent on the subject.
***
Were the Pharaohs of ancient Egypt the originators of the pyramid schemes?
***
The ancient calculator called the abacus lets you get a bead on the correct mathematical answer.
***
The ancient abacus is a reliable calculating device, one you can count on.
***
The ancient abacus is a digital calculating device activated by the touch of a finger.
***
Q: Which Roman god had the most children?
A: Hercules. They were the result of 12 labors.
***
Q: Who was the most obnoxious and irritating Roman goddess?
A: Aurora. She was an early morning person.
***
Q: Which Roman god was the life of any party?
A: Bacchus. He always brought the wine.
***
Q: What Greek goddess actually had her origins in the continent of Africa?
A: Afrodite.
***
Q: Which Roman goddess is the deity of deli sandwiches?
A: Bellona.
***
Q: What was the nickname of the Roman god Vulcan?
A: Spock.
***
Q: Which Roman goddess represents those with injuries and infirmities?
A: Lympha. She walks kind of funny.
***
Q: Which of the Roman gods was never elevated to deity of transportation?
A: Omnibus.
***
Q: Which Greek god was known for his speed?
A: Nike. In all competitions, he was shoe-in as winner.
***
Archaeologists do it because they dig it.
***
Q: What is the key to “The Theory of Everything?”
A: According to God, it’s “Because I said so…”
***
In its day, Dante’s Inferno was one hell of an epic poem.
***
When the operator of the town’s sundial was asked if he was ready to monitor the device he said, “Without a shadow of a doubt.”
***
Q: How do vampires check out the branches of their family tree?
A: They check their bloodlines.
***
Q: When vampires drive around town, how do they get from one place to another?
A: They take the main arteries.
***
Q: How are vampires like gold miners?
A: They both look for rich veins.
***
Q: Why is art an attractive profession for vampires?
A: It gives them ample opportunities to draw blood.
***
Q: What is the attraction for vampires to live in Sierra Leone?
A: It has to do with the blood diamonds.
***
Q: What is the attraction for vampires of lunar eclipses?
A: They’re particularly fascinated during the stage of the blood moon.
***
There is scant record in our ancient history of solar eclipses. Aside from a few charcoal sketches on cave walls, these events have been lost in the shadows of the past.
***
Ivan Pavlov lectured widely on his experiments in conditioning, but for some the concept was too esoteric and didn’t ring a bell.
***
In the Old West, blacksmiths were the ones shoeing horses. If their shop was too near the corrals, they were also shooing flies.
***
Cleopatra was a strong-willed woman and that’s not a bad thing, but when she found an asp nearby she shouldn’t have said, “Bite me!”
***
Tourists visiting a Buddhist shrine in San Francisco found a hand-written sign, “No thyself…” ~ Buddha.
***
Marcel Marceau wanted to team up with someone to start a business but couldn’t find anyone who was willing to have a silent partner.
***
Johannes Gutenberg’s work was distinctive; he left his imprint on the publishing world.
***
Chicken Sartre and Chicken Kierkegaard were both eggsistential philosophers.
***
Quote: “………..!” ~ Marcel Marceau
***
Do vampires have adequate healthcare that includes dental?
***
When vampires suffer from a bad colds, they often are bothered with a coffin spell.
***
The vampire upgraded his computer storage to hold a full terabite.
***
Vampire surfers can only surf after sundown, and it requires special skills to be board certified.
***
Most vampires retire when they become senior citizens because dentures typically don’t come with fangs.
***
An increasing problem for aging vampires is they forget why they’re nuzzling the neck of a beautiful woman.
***
One of Shakespeare’s mentors recognized the genius of his work and encouraged him on with “May the farce be with you.”
***
Archaeopteryx, the great-great-great-great-great-great-great ancestor of the chicken, went eggstinct a long time ago.
