You should know that as a hobby, fishing can be enjoyable and reel relaxing.
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If you’re thinking of beginning an exercise plan, know that yoga can be a real stretch.
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Indianapolis speedway drivers travel in fast circles.
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Watching a basketball game must be pretty gross, what with all the dribbling on the court.
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I’m wondering, why do we call round glass balls marbles and not marballs?
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Every marathon runner trains at length to avoid “hitting the wall” during a race; most runners are past the stage where “hitting the streets” is any problem.
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The young contractor was sorely disappointed when he didn’t qualify for the Olympic fencing team.
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The athlete was embarrassed he injured himself; he said he’d been attacked by a dog when he simply barked his shin.
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The fishing contest was very close, but the crotchety old fisherman eventually won by angling an advantage.
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After his team is penalized for an infraction, does the coach use foul language?
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Chinese Olympic boxers developed an ingenious defensive tactic they named the Peking Duck.
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The rookie chicken shortstop’s professional career ended rather quickly because all he could hit were fowl balls.
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Serious mountain climbers have to maintain excellent physical conditioning in order to achieve peak performance.
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Hiking cross-country in wilderness areas has its ups and downs.
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He wasn’t very good at folk dancing. Sometimes he’d just get out of line.
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The children’s game of musical chairs can be rough. Some will win by deseat.
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The program director of a local YMCA initiated an activity for the nerdier population called “square dancing.”
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You know there’s a problem when men tell their wives they’re attending church services late at night when they’re really at an organized craps game called the “Holy Rollers.”
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Do you know what music people of Oklahoma love? Karaoke!
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The gambler overestimated his chances of winning; in the end, it just wasn’t in the cards.
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Do dealers in Las Vegas casinos walk with a shuffle?
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How high is a stacked deck?
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How do you continue playing cards if you cut the deck?
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Losing heavily in cards can be stressful. You just have to learn to deal with it.
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When the striptease artist began considering her retirement, she thought it might be exciting to pursue a career as a standup comedian because she was always able to titillate an audience.
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The striptease artist felt her options in retirement were unlimited because whenever she’d been confronted by obstacles in her life, she’d just bare down.
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The striptease artist wasn’t a terribly complex person. She lived her life based on the spare and naked truth.
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The one life lesson the striptease artist gained from her professional life was that when on stage, you’re stripped of all pretense.
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Striptease artists feel that severe critics of the art form are just clothes minded.
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To achieve prominence as a striptease artist, one must develop the consummate skills of disrobing and have the best of exposures.
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A skilled striptease artist has a routine with layers of nuance.
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Playing cards just may not suit your personality.
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After working for 40 minutes to start a fire in the rain, the scout leader succeeded through a stroke of good luck.
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The chicken’s eggsercise regimen required that she eggspend aerobic energy thirty minutes five days per week.
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The chicken won the biggest pot in Las Vegas history, but he knew enough not to ruffle any features by eggsulting in his winnings.
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The chicken race driver always drives his mini cooper and eggscelerates when coming out of a curve.
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The chicken race driver was so good, he had everyone eating his eggshaust.
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The young man was a real pain in the neck. Women considered him up the crick without a paddle.
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The chess champion had a checkered history that kept him one jump ahead of his competition.
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Chess and checkers are both played on the same game board, but it’s only in chess that all the front-line moves are straightforward.
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Chess and checker pieces have very different moves, but it’s only in checkers that you can jump to a conclusion.
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Chess and checkers both have a royal element, but only checkers lets you have a crowning moment.
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Striptease as an art form relies mainly on the delicate removal of one’s clothing. Wardrobe costs are thus kept to a bare minimum.
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A striptease artist’s portfolio is put together to emphasize her primary body of work.
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Striptease is an art form that has to do with baring one’s soul.
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In chess, the Queen’s knights make one L-of-a-move at each turn.
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The origins of chess have been incorrectly reported. It was not created in India, as commonly thought, but in Australia. How else can you explain the concluding move: “Check, Mate!”
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The long-term strategy for both chess and checkers involves capture of pieces, but it is only in checkers that you get the jump on your opponent.
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How can I be “out of shape” if I’m the shape I am?
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The fisherman planned well for life after retirement with a most interesting bucket list.
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The young rodeo star was planning ahead with his bucket list for when he retires.
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Younger rodeo stars want to change the face of the sport, but the old-timers are bucking the new trends.
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A joker is someone who isn’t playing with a full deck.
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When the professional athlete had an operation performed by a podiatrist, he had his insurance company foot the bill.
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The Olympic long distance runner gave everyone a run for the money.
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The Olympic gymnast was so good, she won her floor exercise routine, hands down.
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It’s been difficult for the boxer in a wheelchair to make it, but he tries to roll with the punches.
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The boxer-turned-standup comedian had little trouble mastering his punch lines.
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The comedian-turned-boxer couldn’t make the transition because he was already way too punchy.
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The Olympic gold medalist in cycling was the spokesman for the International Recycling Association.
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Bicycle salesmen are known for coming up with creative ways to peddle their wares.
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The mallard lost his Golden Gloves bout when his manager yelled, “Duck!” and he thought he was being called.
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The Zamboni driver at hockey games ices it every time.
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A young man was arrested in the women’s bathroom at a Star Trek convention. His excuse was that he was going “where no man has gone before.”
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Some would question whether striptease is an art form, but as the saying goes, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” and there are plenty who are beholding.
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In the olden days, striptease artists used large fans as part of their routines and patrons or benefactors often came away with a feather in their caps.
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When dating a striptease artist, you should avoid bringing up certain topics lest things get touchy.
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When a striptease artist goes on a date, what she chooses to wear can be very revealing.
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Q: Who was the most powerful dog on the starship Enterprise?
A: Scotty.
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The avid kite fan was able to get tickets to the championship kite-flying meet because he got wind of the dates.
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What kind of key do you need to open a headlock? I don’t know, but you have to wrestle someone for it.
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The Olympic gymnast had a lock on the gold medal because of her tumbler routine.
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AARRGGH…! You think you have it tough? A pirate’s life is so bad, he doesn’t have a peg to stand on. You can parrot that around.
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The Olympic long-distance runner fell during the 10,000-meter race and injured his leg. “I’m out of shape,” he said lamely.
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The Olympic high jumper was disqualified because it was found she had a spring in her step.
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The Olympic high jumper was banned for a year because of a problem with performance-enhancing substances. She was guilty of oiling the spring in her step.
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The ventriloquist had to cancel his Las Vegas show when he got laryngitis. His dummy was at a loss for words.
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The young ventriloquist wasn’t very good at his craft and decided he’d be better off if his dummy was a silent partner.
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The ventriloquist’s dummy was thinking about leaving the team because the ventriloquist was always putting words in his mouth and always had the last say.
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The ventriloquist’s dummy was so angry at his partner, he bought the book: Passive Aggressive Resistance for Dummies.
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On their days off, rodeo clowns still like to horse around.
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Muhammad Ali once received a visit from the Grammar Police because there was a question about his punchuation.
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Even NFL players aren’t immune from the scrutiny of the Grammar Police. Kickers are often investigated over questionable puntuation, and they know they have to play ball with the police.
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People were puzzled because the street corner mime just stood there with his hands in his pockets. They didn’t know he was on a jury and the judge placed them under a gag order.
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The Olympic pole-vaulter earned his law degree and set an Olympic record the same year, thus passing the bar twice.
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When the mime was arrested for breaking and entering, he was handcuffed. When questioned by detectives he was at a loss for words.
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During heavy winters, when mimes wear mittens, it’s hard to understand them because their conversation is muffled.
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When the master clock maker retired, he was glad to relax and wind down.
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The ventriloquist picked up a volume of the new book, Shakespearean English for Dummies.
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The ventriloquist’s dummy’s job is the harder of the two. He has to follow the ventriloquist’s lead based solely on verbal cues.
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The ventriloquist’s dummy knew something was seriously wrong when he started hearing voices.
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Ventriloquism was a big part of the family heritage; for generations, the tradition had been passed by word-of-mouth.
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The master samurai sword maker was innovative and on the cutting edge of technology. He was thought to be really sharp in his trade.
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The master samurai sword maker was, pound-for-pound, considered the best with a piece of steel, a hammer, and his anvil.
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The ventriloquist bought the New York Time’s best seller, I.Q. Tests for Dummies.
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The ventriloquist was puzzled when someone sent him a copy of the book, Speech Disorders for Dummies.
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Several of my unfit friends have organized the Challenge Olympics: events include leaping to conclusions, begging the question, casting aspersions, catching a cold, running an errand, dashing a hope, passing an opportunity, spotting an error, floating a loan, diving right in, and throwing in the towel.
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The young ball player went to spring training tryouts for a professional team and he was surprised when they asked him to pitch his best line.
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Mimes sometimes want to branch out and explore other avenues of self-expression. Unfortunately, people tend to put them all in the same box.
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The ventriloquist’s dummy started writing a memoir but gave it up because he found he didn’t have an original thought of his own.
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It is well understood that the kind of music golfers prefer is swing.
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When the mountain climber’s wife caught him in the embrace of a younger woman, he protested she was making a mountain out of a molehill.
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Puns definitely are an acquired taste: for some they’re filet mignon, for others they’re just baloney.
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Comedians are smart and know puns are an acquired taste. They still rely on them to help bring in the bread.
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You don’t normally associate puns with religions, but you will find them in texts dealing with punishment.
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The genius marionette was forever getting into trouble with law enforcement because, though not a drug user, he was frequently strung out.
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The marionette businessman had some trouble dealing with others because he thought there were strings attached in every transaction.
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Manny the ventriloquist wasn’t doing well in the business because his dummy trained as a mime.
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When they’re first getting started in show business, marionettes need to have the right pull.
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Marionettes love murder mysteries because they always leave the reader hanging by a thread.
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Marionettes are truly safety conscious; they know that so much hangs on their every move.
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The marionette businessman had a type-A personality and was highly strung.
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Sonny is a very insecure marionette and everyone easily pulls his strings.
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Most golfers have a handicap, but it is a pre-existing condition that is not covered under the Affordable Care Act.
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Golfers with a handicap are not covered by the Americans with Disabilities Act.
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The interesting thing about a ventriloquist’s performance is it’s considered a solo act.
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A marionette and a puppet went out on a date but it turned out to be a disaster because there was no one there to speak for them.
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The marionette regretted challenging friends to a game of cat’s cradle.
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The softball players from the bakery loved the part of the game where they could yell, “Batter up…!”
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Skydivers do it at 14,000 feet and just have to watch not to get tangled in their cords.
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Mimes do it, but it’s nothing to speak of.
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Pilots do it, but their relationships are always up in the air.
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Rodeo cowboys do it but their partners aren’t always pleased with how much they like to horse around.
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Baseball players are always trying to do it, but sometimes they only get to second base.
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Baseball pitchers think they’re hot stuff, but sometimes they pitch a shutout.
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Basketball players do it and like to get it in with only net.
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Golfers also do it, especially if they get a hole-in-one.
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Pool players do it right on cue.
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Bowlers do it in an alley.
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Archers do it by keeping a sharp eye on the target.
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Hockey players do it by sticking the puck in the net.
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Frisbee players do it but it’s often just a fling.
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Olympic target marksmen do it and are always willing to give it a shot.
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Professional cyclists do it because when done well, it’s the ride of a lifetime.
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Pool players do it by putting balls into pockets.
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Long distance runners do it as something they take in stride.
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Olympic 100-meter sprinters do it, but it’s all over so quickly.
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When the timer at the track meet was asked if he was ready, he said, “Just a second.”
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In the chicken minor leagues, players start out hitting a lot of fowl balls.
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When rodeo performers reach a certain age they find for the sake of their health it’s wise to retire, but the really good ones are still able to throw the bull around.
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The best rodeo cowboys are mavericks. They all relish bucking the system.
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If rodeo cowboys stay too long in the profession or become too careless, they often become the subject of “Breaking News.”
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Dating a striptease artist has got to have a few land mines. Some subjects you can’t touch, as she won’t want to bare herself.
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Popular striptease artists will perform as many shows as the traffic will bare.
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With the upswing in pun enthusiasts coming out of the closet, there is a drastic need for public support of common sense pun-control.
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In the area of humor puns are an acquired taste, usually made more palatable by your best buds.
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Q: What is it called when a Sikh standup comedian pokes fun of you?
A: It’s a Pun-jab.
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Q: What is it called when a drunken newscaster uses a play-on-words to report the news?
A: They say he’s a punditz.
