The professional football player-turned-ventriloquist had a short learning curve when it came to throwing his voice.
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Standup comedians understand that puns are an acquired taste. They’ll use them sparingly and sandwich them between longer jokes.
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In order to succeed as a performer, a striptease artist has to ensure her audience is pleased with her body of work.
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With his knee bones so shattered, the orthopedic surgeon didn’t have a leg to stand on.
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The orthopedic surgeon went on a massive weight-loss regimen and lost so much weight, he ended up a mere skeleton of his former self.
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An orthopedic surgeon’s resumé is her bone-fides.
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A knife sharpener’s work can be a real grind.
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You think you have it rough? Working in the sandpaper business can really wear on you.
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Working in the sandpaper manufacturing business has a way of grinding you down.
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The union negotiator for the sandpaper company approached contract discussions with an eye toward smoothing things over.
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Working in the sandpaper manufacturing business takes true grit.
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Because of his excellent reputation, the podiatrist was considered a shoe-in for the contract with the new health center.
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When the dermatologist’s business started to fail, he had only pore excuses to offer.
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When the striptease artist added a standup comedy routine to her show, it elicited peels of laughter.
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As the striptease artist approached retirement, she thought a career in politics might just suit her because she’s always been in favor of transparency.
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What about telemarketers, do they use sell phones to make their calls?
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The EMT workers revived the heart attack victim after he’d suffered a stroke of bad luck.
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When the worker’s union voted to strike at the Caterpillar plant, management accused them of being distractors.
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After six months on the picket lines, the union workers at the Caterpillar plant felt there was little traction in the negotiations.
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Things got a little tense at the station after the meteorologist misread information about the hurricane. “I blew it!” he explained.
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Grammar Police take their jobs seriously, a trait that most often spells success.
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When dealing with pronouns, Grammar Police often find that it’s just a matter of mistaken identity.
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The sales representative for the smart phone company was arrested for possessing large amounts of company merchandise with the intent to cell.
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Window cleaners on tall high-rise buildings often encounter problems; they’re considered to be a pain in the glass.
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The new young hire was clueless and thoroughly embarrassed when she showed up wearing a bikini on her first day in the secretarial pool.
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In the lingerie business, designers of brassieres think of themselves as the industry’s support group.
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The operators of the concession stands in the old time drive-ins readily knew which drink was the favorite by taking a straw poll.
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You don’t have to have backbone to be a chiropractor, but it helps to hold the business up.
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Give a sailor a length of rope and he’ll be tied up in knots for hours.
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Drivers of big rig 18-wheelers are very popular. You can tell by their big following.
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The writer decided he wanted to write a fantasy story about a young girl and a unicorn, but knowing little about either, it turned out to be a mythtake.
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The young entrepreneur was convinced it was a good idea to start a perfume business because it made scents.
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When your old car has put in many good years of service and your tires show it, it’s time to put it aside and retire.
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Retirement allows you to couch your days in any way you want, so relax into it.
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When the young couple was told starting a nursery was a daunting business venture, they ignored the advice and rose to the occasion.
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When the egocentric doctor went into private practice, it was no surprise when his business failed—he didn’t have the patients.
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Any time a surveyor starts a new job, they strive to do their level best.
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A locksmith’s job is the key to everything.
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In terms of providing a sense of security, a locksmith has a lock on the business.
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The locksmith’s business had been in the family going on several generations. The grandfather passed on a lock of his heir.
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The egocentric ophthalmologist’s business wasn’t doing well because he had an “I” problem.
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Attorneys are at higher risk of becoming alcoholics because they take their licensing exam at a bar.
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Plumbers are truly fortunate: Every job is a plumb assignment.
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When the plumber stopped taking his medications, he went plumb crazy.
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Carpenters are truly amazing: What other job could you have where you can nail it while being hammered?
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Meteorologists don’t work when they’re under the weather because they’re not on top of it.
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When the factory closed down, a lot of workers became shiftless.
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If the boss calls a brief meeting, is everyone supposed to show up wearing nothing but their underwear?
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Is a boss who calls brief meetings guilty of sexual harassment?
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Checkmate: A pre-digital era method of paying for things.
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Second Opinion: The bad choice of checking out your symptoms on the internet.
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In describing their profession, do pilots use plane language?
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Do locomotive engineers ever lose their train of thought?
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If train engineers get drunk on the job, are they easily distrackted?
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In the construction of high rises, window glass is usually the most paneful part of the budget.
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The immigrant shoemaker opened a shop in the village and was the sole support for his family.
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The news anchor on the network’s prime time program was doing well enough that his career wasn’t in danger of sinking.
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Botanists love the spring. It’s a time they can let their hair down and become blooming idiots.
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Orthopedic surgeons preparing for any operation for injuries to the head will call together specialists for a skull session.
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Orthopedic surgeons called to give expert testimony in court cases are sworn to give the bone fide truth.
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Over the span of the civil engineer’s career, he worked on a great many bridge projects.
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Dentists and civil engineers share one thing in common: They both do bridge work.
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The construction supervisor was mortarfied when the brick building collapsed because of shoddy workmanship.
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The unstable meteorologist became so unprofessional, his boss had to “rain” him in.
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I believe all archaeologists dig their profession.
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When the company failed so spectacularly, the CEO was resigned to his fate.
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The firefighter had a burning desire to do well.
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An eggsterminator chicken’s business is to eggstirpate a termite problem before it hatches.
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A chicken sexer needs to be a skilled seggspert in order to succeed in his business.
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Orthopedic surgeons are rigorous in their planning for a delicate operation and give thought to more than a skeletal plan.
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In the operating room, you can easily distinguish the orthopedic surgeon by the distinctive skullcap he wears.
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In their efforts to get ahead, some orthopedic surgeons have no qualms with elbowing someone aside.
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Although he was the new young guy on the block, the new orthopedic surgeon was willing to shoulder the menial work assignments.
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She explained to her new boyfriend that she was a radiologist at the community hospital, so when he started taking her for granted, she could see right through him.
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Q: What is the all-time favorite movie of orthopedic surgeons?
A: Spinal Tap.
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Orthopedic surgeons get a rush out of any spine-tingling experience.
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In a misguided effort to build his practice, the orthopedic surgeon cut his service prices to the bone.
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Even male cartographers won’t ask directions if they get lost. It’s a matter of professional pride.
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Male cartographers never get lost. They may arrive late because they took the scenic route, but they never get lost.
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The cartographer’s mapmaking business began well, but in time, the business went south on him.
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When the chicken farmer achieved a level of success, he decided to eggspand the business.
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The chicken student from Italy came under an eggschange program.
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When cartographers visit a place new to them, they first get the lay of the land.
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A cartographer needs only two bits of information to never get lost: their phone password and the button accessing Siri.
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A cartographer always knows which direction north is: it’s at the top of the map.
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Cartographers like to think if they refer to a topographic map, they can tell if their life is going up or down.
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Cartographers like maps because they help to orient their lives.
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The Red Cross chicken warden decided the eggsigent circumstances required immediate action.
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After a windfall success in the stock market, the chicken farmer started to live a life of eggscess.
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The chicken doctor always completed a thorough eggasamination before making her dieggnosis.
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After passing his CPA exam, the man went to work for a major coffee roasting company as the head bean counter.
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Being 7’10”, he was well qualified to be the overseer.
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To do well in his business, the introvert plumber has to pipe up when dealing with customers.
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A plumber’s job is often solitary, and for an introvert, that’s fitting.
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The arborist’s business was doing so well, he decided to open a branch office.
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When a plumber works under a sink, he unintentionally exposes his background.
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When remodeling an older house, plumbers are often told to get the lead out.
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When asked how he liked his job, Mario piped up and said that being a plumber is particularly fitting.
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Considering the tools plumbers use and the contortions they sometimes have to assume, it’s easy to see how they could wrench their backs.
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The mattress company hired non-professionals to test their products because they wanted workers from the lay public.
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The Northern Pacific Railroad hired part-time personnel to serve as semi-conductors.
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The refrigerator salesman did exceedingly well because of his skills in making cold calls.
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Drivers of big rig 18-wheelers are in it for the long haul.
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To an obstetrician, delivering a baby is mere child’s play.
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The orthopedic surgeon’s reason for frequenting his favorite bar is because he’s all too often bone dry.
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When the American Association of Orthopedic Surgeons held its annual convention on a cruise ship, everyone was bid a bone voyage.
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The senior orthopedic surgeon decided it was time to retire because each day he felt weary to the bone.
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In all matters of ethical concerns, the orthopedic surgeon was clearest when he felt it in his bones.
***
As a change of pace, the orthopedic surgeon took to writing bone-chilling crime novels.
***
To say the orthopedic surgeon was stubborn was to put it mildly. His colleagues felt he was just boneheaded.
***
Psychiatrists often delve into sailing, preferring the boat called a Freudian Sloop.
***
When psychiatrists venture into sailing, Jungians reject the popular Freudian Sloops in favor of shadow vessels that defy detection.
***
The airline pilot was a stern disciplinarian who had his whole flight team under crews control.
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The landscape architect was a student of yoga. He said it grounded him.
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Cardiologists are known for their excellent bedside manner. They’re especially good at having heart-to-heart talks with their patients.
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The barber was in a car accident and no one was hurt. He describes it as a close shave.
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The butcher played a prominent role in the town because he gave everyone a nice slice of life.
***
The arborist’s wife encouraged him to retire after a long successful career. He decided to retire and leaf the business to his son.
***
The pay and benefits for trash collectors can be competitive with other jobs, but the working conditions can leave some down in the dumps.
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The old shipwright took on an apprentice in ship repairs and urged him to pitch right in.
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The construction of the transcontinental railroad was successful because the men behind it remained focused and weren’t sidetracked.
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When the International Association of Orthopedic Surgeons held its annual convention in Paris, everyone greeted each other with “bonejour.”
***
The hosiery king was wealthy beyond measure, but personality-wise, people just wanted to sock him.
***
The hosiery king employed the best clothing designers to work on indestructible nylons because he wanted to have a leg up on his competitors.
***
You can always tell a forestry product specialist by the way they lumber along.
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To stay in business, bookbinders have to cover their costs.
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Astronomers do it at night under a star-spangled sky and it’s heavenly.
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Telegraphers do it in long and short dashes and no one has to call the next day.
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Arborists do it in the trees because they’re young and limber.
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Older arborists do it indoors because their limbs aren’t up to it.
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Obstetricians do it and it’s all in the delivery.
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Sign language interpreters do it, but they’re all hands.
***
Dentists do it and think they’re hot stuff because they’re doing the drilling.
***
Hunters do it and just hope to get a shot in.
***
Garbage collectors do it but don’t always satisfy because of all the trash talk.
***
Puzzled by a locked door at the hospital, the orthopedic surgeon finally was able to gain access when he found a skeleton key.
***
The orthopedic surgeon was brought to tears when his son announced that he was going out Trick-or-Treating dressed as a skeleton.
***
Q: Does every orthopedic surgeon have a skeleton in her/his closet?
A: We’ll know only if they come out and say so.
***
When women orthopedic surgeons came out in favor of equal pay for equal work, they demonstrated they had the spine to take that stand.
***
When the ladder company became successful, it was necessary to step up production.
***
When the CEO of the ladder company retired, he had to step down from his position.
***
In order to stay competitive, the R/D section of the ladder company had to take the right steps.
***
A firearms manufacturer built a 50-caliber handgun, but after an initial peak in sales, massive numbers of injuries sustained by shooters caused the company to recoil all guns sold.
***
The egocentric ophthalmologist went to a nude beach and gave everybody an I-full.
***
Apple designed a smartphone for the egocentric that they’ve called an I-Phone.
***
An entrepreneurial optometrist came up with a fashionable pair of glasses for the egocentric: He’s calling them designer I-ware.
***
Some aeronautical engineers approach their work with a wing and a prayer.
***
Locksmiths work in a key industry.
***
It is said that because of the FDIC, banking is a safe industry.
***
The migrant workers disliked weeding the most because each day was a long row to hoe.
***
On any farm, weeding is an important job. It requires a hoe lot of work.
***
Q: What’s an opportune place to advertise if you’re a plastic surgeon?
A: Facebook.
***
The cardiologist was a true capitalist who specialized in serious heart conditions of the wealthy.
***
The cardiologist was feeling romantic and murmured sweet nothings to his wife.
***
Q: Do any orthopedic surgeons have skeletons in their closets?
A: Most likely they do because it represents the body of their work.
***
At their annual conventions, ornithologists tend to flock together around issues of concern.
***
When geologists gather together, they refer to earthquakes as “rock and roll.”
***
The owner of the stone quarry stonewalled negotiations in the labor dispute.
***
Geologists try to be smart when buying a house, wanting to get a house that’s dirtcheap. They examine the location to find solid grounds for underbidding the price.
***
As skilled civil engineers, beavers love to sink their teeth into a nice dam project.
***
Once podiatrists have passed their licensing exam, they try their professional best not to be callous in providing services.
***
In down times, civil engineers sometimes have to put up with a dam project.
***
The mining company supervisor was told the next major project would be removing the side of the mountain, but it turned out to be a bluff.
***
Arborists who incorrectly name a species are barking up the wrong tree.
***
The meteorologist had few friendly colleagues because he was always stealing their thunder.
***
When the radio talk show host signed off at the end of his daily broadcast, he gave his audience a radio wave.
***
The argument went on and on because the orthopedist had a bone to pick over everything.
***
The orthopedist wasn’t satisfied with the solution because the issue had long been a bone of contention for him.
***
The plastic surgeon was a highly skilled specialist but when he made a mistake he just couldn’t face the patient.
***
Radiologists aren’t really more highly intuitive or insightful. They can’t actually see through you, so don’t worry, your secrets are safe.
***
Carpenters are good at doing it and they call it nailing a project.
***
Cartographers do it as a way of getting the lay of the land.
***
Airline pilots do it in the cockpit and refer to it as “bringing her in for a safe landing.”
***
Computer engineers are skilled in doing it because of the high capacity RAM.
***
The telephone operator-turned-actor was known for her curtain calls.
