Once you start the Japanese strategy game of “Go,” it’s hard to stop.
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Weight lifters are always weighing their options.
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Weight lifters regularly get dates with tried-and-true pickup lines.
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Q: Who was the cow’s all-time favorite St. Louis Cardinal player?
A: Stan Moo-sial.
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The young pitcher was a phenomenon on the mound and had more than opposing batters could shake a stick at.
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The aspiring quarterback tried out for an NFL team, but he didn’t pass the test.
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All winning quarterbacks in the NFL keep notes on their passing game in a spiral notebook.
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Several National Football League players apparently think of marriage as a game of sock-her.
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The high school star quarterback passed for 575 yards in a losing effort and upset parents accused him of throwing the game.
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The game of tennis was changed dramatically in California when the tennis association learned it was a “no fault” state.
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The game of doubles in tennis is especially rewarding because it’s a two-for-won sport.
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The tennis player turned pro for the net profits.
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The retired tennis pro applied to the police academy because he wanted to continue to serve.
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The tennis pro walked into a bar and the bartender said, “We don’t serve your kind.”
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The Olympic marksman was himself a target because of his outspoken beliefs.
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The Olympic marksman often got into hot water because he would shoot off his mouth without thinking.
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The Olympic marksman, outside the sport, was a big shot in local politics.
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The Olympic marksman, though a small man, was of high caliber.
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The Olympic marksman’s philosophy was regardless of the target, he’d always give it a shot.
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The Olympic marksman lost everything when burglars rifled his apartment.
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The Olympic skeet shooter did well in tournaments because he was actually scattered in his approach.
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Olympic snowboarders are a casual lot. They prefer just to let things slide.
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Skiers always start at the top, and from there, it’s all down hill.
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The objective for Olympic curlers is to make a clean sweep in the event.
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The Olympic shot-putter had a bad reputation because he was always throwing his weight around.
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I wonder if all Olympic divers are introverts. None of them want to make a splash.
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The swim instructor was hospitalized following a bad stroke.
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The Olympic sprinter was banned from competition for a year because he was found to have a spring in his step.
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The Olympic pole-vaulter refused to take drugs, choosing instead to get high through her performance.
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The Olympic gold medalist in the high jump trained 10 hours a day because she wanted to get a jump on her competition.
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Running a marathon takes a considerable amount of training, and something to jog your memory to remind you why you decided to do it in the first place.
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Athletes approaching the end of a marathon often look over their shoulders to avoid that run-down feeling.
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The science of exercise hiking took a big stride forward with the major development of the sports pedometer that allows hikers to keep step with the progress of their exercising.
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The novice golfer took lessons and practiced hard, but kept having a rough time of the game.
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Golf legend Arnold Palmer was teed-off he didn’t get an earlier tee time.
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Are all golfers handicapped?
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When the relative novice won a prestigious golf tournament, he began to enjoy a slice of life heretofore unknown to him, and then he was hooked.
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Do golfers with handicaps fall under coverage of the Americans with Disabilities Act?
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When it comes down to the merits of fishing as a sport, it’s a matter of debait.
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Fishing is a sport people can get hooked on.
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When the senator retired, he decided he’d take up fishing so his wife gave him a reel present.
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When the NSA executive retired, he chose to get an unlisted number.
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When you retire you find the need to take cat naps throughout the day, but being retired, it’s purr-fect.
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When the marionette retired, he spent his days just hanging around.
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The life of a marionette can be quite complex because of all the strings attached.
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All puppets who have made it have done so because they’ve had a helping hand.
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Puppets are just mouthpieces for their owners.
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When the ventriloquist lost his voice, his dummy became a silent partner.
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The ventriloquist’s act failed from the start because his partner kept dummying up.
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For their stage business the ventriloquist’s partner was named CEO of a dummy corporation.
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The ventriloquist’s dummy was taking on a character of his own and the ventriloquist was finding him to be a handful.
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The ventriloquist’s Las Vegas show had to be canceled because he threw his voice out.
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When the ventriloquist’s dummy was sold to another ventriloquist, he felt like a hand-me-down.
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The ventriloquist’s dummy came from a very distinguished family tree.
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The most irritating quality of ventriloquists is how they’re always putting words in someone else’s mouth.
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You’d have to be a dummy to want to work with a ventriloquist.
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The circus clown took up yoga but to say he did well would be stretching it.
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The quadruple-amputee had goals for himself and began training as a virtual juggler. You have to hand it to him for trying.
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You can ride a unicycle for long stretches of time because you never get two tired.
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The Indy racecar driver was arrested for being addicted to speed.
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You can catch the next yacht race if you get wind of it.
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The politician was ruled ineligible to compete as a pilot in the hot air balloon race because he would have an unfair advantage.
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When the owner of the sky diving business retired, they gave him a silk parachute.
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I’m not sure I’d trust any sky diving instructor because they’re so jumpy.
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When sky diving instructors argue, it’s all anyone can do to keep them from chuting each other.
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The two skydiving instructors were in love and falling for each other.
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After the fatal accident, the sky diving company suspended business.
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Rock climbers practice and keep at it until they get the hang of it.
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Q: Why did the cow want to learn karate?
A: She was a Moo-tant Ninja Cow.
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When the marine colonel retired, he decided to return to his oil painting hobby and had to brush up on his skills.
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The young artist couldn’t decide between pastels or pencils for an art project and considered it a draw.
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As an artist, what medium would you use and how would you draw a breath?
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For that matter, how would you draw a conclusion?
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What colors would you use to draw a bead?
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Would you use invisible ink if you wanted to draw a blank?
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It would be a creative challenge to try to draw down.
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Should you attempt to draw comparisons with charcoal or pastels?
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Wouldn’t it be counter to self-interest for an artist to draw fire?
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Would it be better to draw inferences in color or black and white?
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It could be very comforting as an artist to draw nigh with a friend.
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For an artist, would it be easier to draw water?
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The young artist was just beginning, but her techniques and skill levels were considered top-drawer.
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The novice potter had an inflated sense of himself as a big wheel in the pottery studio.
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The novice potter destroyed part of the inventory when he misunderstood his supervisor’s directions to begin with throwing some pots.
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Photography is a visual medium. The equipment lens itself to the photographer’s vision.
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The photographer thought he’d try to photograph an illusion but finally gave up because there wasn’t any substance to it.
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The introvert loves dancing in the ballet company performances because her body and feet do all the talking.
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A ballet prima donna’s position is never guaranteed. She has to toe the mark continually.
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In order to make it to the top of their profession, ballerinas have to stay on their toes.
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Ballerinas train extensively in order to position themselves to succeed.
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The competition for the lead role in the ballet, Swan Lake, was intense and had dancers going toe to toe.
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When the ballet dancer successfully completed a choreographed dance move, the master teacher said quietly, “I toed you it was simple.”
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The director was such a miserable grouch, all the ballerinas had to tiptoe around him.
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The male dancer asked the ballerina if he could give her a lift to the theater.
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Young ballerinas in their costumes are just tutu cute.
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Kids playing soccer just for the fun of the game get a kick out of it. They end up having a ball.
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The young girl went to the playground to see if she could pick up a game of jacks.
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Q: What’s the name of the game where you have a bunch of cows and a circle with one fewer chairs?
A: Moo-sical chairs.
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When I was in elementary school, playing marbles was allowed as long as it wasn’t “for keeps.” The principal didn’t want anyone to lose their marbles.
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The person who invented the game of Chinese checkers went stark raving mad when he lost all his marbles.
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The game of checkers requires an aggressive approach in order to get the jump on your opponent.
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Q: What did the cow say to her chess opponent?
A: “Your moo-ve.”
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Would it surprise you that a dentist’s favorite card game is bridge?
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The professional bowler was quite successful because he avoided all those back alleys.
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The seemingly bumbling pool player miraculously morphed into a pool shark right on cue.
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The veteran pool player avoided falling prey to the pool shark by taking his cue from other victims.
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After a really late night out with the boys, the billiard player was behind the eight ball when he got home.
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Addiction to gambling is treacherous because you can always bet on the outcome.
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Betting on horses is so bad you’d be better off gamboling in the park.
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Betting on horses is a good indication you’re on the wrong track.
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The jockey was the only one who believed the two-year-old was a champion. All others were just neigh-sayers.
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It’s hard to know when to make your move when you’re playing a waiting game.
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It’s hard to count on roller coasters for any fun because of their up-and-down history.
