The astronomer couldn’t figure out how to tell time with a sundial after sundown, but it finally dawned on him.
***
When someone drops their pants and sticks their rear end out, we call it “mooning.” Why don’t we call it “Uranusing?”
***
When the cowboy-turned-astronaut went into space and it became utterly dark, he turned on the saddlelights.
***
To explain the dramatic changes in the Arctic environment, climate scientists rely on the use of floe charts.
***
The forensic scientist worked ever so hard, but he was eventually let go because he was so clueless.
***
Climate scientists are not too popular among a certain population because they tend to rain on people’s parades.
***
Climate change is difficult for some people to accept because they feel they’re getting a snow job.
***
A group of hackers broke into a company’s computers and stole some binary files. They were caught and the case against them was open-and-shut.
***
The science of climate change has raised a storm of controversies. The discussions are filled with thunder and lightning.
***
The eccentric physicist designed a grandfather clock built on a Saturn rocket booster because he wanted to see time fly.
***
The brilliant scientist invented a 24-hour binary sundial that puzzled the scientific community until someone figured out that he was messing with their minds. The binary device simply was “on” during daylight hours and “off” when the sun went down.
***
Scientists have created a GPS activated sundial that works after sundown. It tells you where to hold the flashlight.
***
Earthquake scientists didn’t feel they were on shaky ground with their dire predictions.
***
Because the last major quake occurred so long ago, “the big one” looms as a present danger, so geologists want to shake people up to the dangers.
***
If you don’t like the new moon because you think it’s not romantic, just think of it as going through a phase.
***
When you do computations using the binary number system, you sometimes feel like you don’t know the half of it.
***
Quiet Zone: Any place where there are no cell towers.
***
Is “chain”-smoking hazardous to your health?
***
Einstein’s family was concerned when he published his work on relativity because they thought it might be an exposé.
***
At a mathematical conference when the numbers were asked for comments, the zero had nothing to add.
***
I’m thinking maybe the number “zero” is the introvert of the bunch, while “one” is the extrovert who always has to be first.
***
In the binary system, the zero is half the story but doesn’t add up to much.
***
Some say the concept of zero is an elegant entity, yet sophisticated in its simplicity. Personally, I think nothing of it.
***
With nanotechnology, do you think it is possible to create a cell phone for DNA molecules?
***
I wonder if the steely-eyed civil engineer ever loses his temper.
***
The meteorologist was so good, his reign on network television lasted thirty years.
***
When the radiologist went through the x-ray machines at the airport, he got a dose of his own medicine.
***
When the radiologist went through the x-ray machine at the airport, he felt so exposed.
***
The hospital instituted random drug testing of all staff. The urologist was especially pissed when he was asked to pee in a cup.
***
When starting a fire with a match, remember that you’re starting from scratch.
***
When you consult a dermatologist about a rash, you’re usually starting from scratch.
***
The chicken chose mathematics as a profession because he liked that it was eggsact and precise.
***
After the chicken astronaut retired, she decided to write a memoir about her flight eggsperiences.
***
The chicken scientist was admonished for eggsagerating the results of her research.
***
As a scientist and inventor, Jack Rabbit was quite creative, but some thought he was harebrained.
***
Strong-willed physicists working on semi-conductors often meet resistance from opposing forces.
***
When the astronaut heifer was launched into orbit, she was the first of the herd shot around the world.
***
I gave blood today and I don’t think my contribution was in vein.
***
Are elevators considered binary mechanical devices because they either go up or down?
***
The radiologist got along with his patients because he always tried to see something good in everyone.
***
When geologists give their reports, you can generally take it for granite their data is rock solid.
***
Hospitals have several evacuation plans in place to deal with cases of constipation.
***
Pharmaceutical companies are just vast drug dealers.
***
Before the knowledge about atoms and sub-atomic particles, nothing was matter-of-fact.
***
It seems to nuclear physicists that everything matters.
***
To nuclear scientists, some things do make a particle of difference.
***
When a nuclear scientist is onto something, it’s always “up and atom.”
***
When an experiment starts to get old, nuclear scientists start to look for neutrons.
***
Nuclear scientists affectionately called the muon the “cat particle.”
***
Nuclear scientists make great partners because they know how to spot small details and express that you matter.
***
Nuclear physicists are always looking for a little something in their work.
***
For a nuclear scientist, nothing is ever just a small matter.
***
Nuclear scientists work in an area of the infinitesimally small. Sometimes they miss what matters.
***
The science of plate tectonics is the moving story of the origins of modern day continents.
***
Werner Heisenberg was uncertain in his absoluteness. He just didn’t know.
***
In Werner Heisenberg’s experimental findings, things could go either way.
***
In exasperation about his uncertainty principle, Werner Heisenberg finally just flipped a damned coin.
***
Werner Heisenberg was known for his razor-sharp mind, but there were some areas where he just wasn’t sure.
***
Among Werner Heisenberg’s supporters and detractors, most had difficulty understanding his theories and were never sure.
***
Werner Heisenberg’s Zodiac sign was a question mark.
***
Even after Werner Heisenberg put forth his theory, he still wasn’t absolutely sure.
***
The scientific community was stunned when Werner Eisenberg published his theory. No one could make heads or tails out of it.
***
Whether the Large Hadron Collider elicits positive or negative test results really does matter.
***
The Large Hadron Collider is a 17-mile circular “gun range” shooting two high-energy particles in opposite directions till they collide. What comes out of it matters.
***
For nuclear scientists working at the Large Hadron Collider, their results are often hit-and-miss.
***
In the Higgs Boson, nuclear scientists found the “God Particle.” Now they need to find her publicist.
***
When the seismograph was invented, it caused quite a shake-up in the scientific sector.
***
Geologists like to refer to earthquakes as earth’s tribute to rock and roll.
***
A branch of nuclear science is concerned with understanding the very origin of the universe. They are getting close, but so far there’s just a lot of background noise.
***
When geophysicists initially began describing how the continental plates were moving across the face of the earth, some colleagues initially didn’t get the drift.
***
The meteorologist failed to predict fog in his nightly forecast and explained he simply mist it.
***
Nuclear scientists are usually taciturn, but when the Higgs Boson was discovered, they radiated their enthusiasm.
***
Nuclear scientists generally aren’t known for their radiant personalities.
***
The judge issued a restraining order to stop the solar eclipse, but it was disregarded. It then became a matter of investigation of a possible cover up.
***
Mathematicians love to dance to logarithms, too.
***
To the surprise of many, the renowned mathematician had written several concertos with a logarithmic beat.
***
Are grandfather clocks considered a binary device because they go, “tick-tock?”
***
The mathematician set out to graph “infinity” but didn’t know where to begin.
***
The mathematician’s colleagues gave up on the effort to graph “infinity” because they didn’t see an end to it.
***
When geographers start a research project, they first map out all the study’s parameters.
***
When the mathematician and his young wife moved out of the inner city, they bought a place in a subdivision.
***
When mathematicians gather at conferences, the first thing they do is exchange numbers.
***
It’s a little known fact that the person who starts up the Large Hadron Collider in the morning says, “Beam me up, Scotty.”
***
Physicists working at the Large Hadron Collider are a happy bunch; you can tell because they’re always beaming.
***
In the binary numerical system, the zero doesn’t put itself out there, while the one seeks the limelight and always has to be first.
***
In the binary numerical system, both the one and the zero carry equal weight. It’s just that not every number can be number one.
***
In the binary numerical system, the zero and one are equal, but one adds up to nothing.
***
Aeronautical engineers love their work. Regardless of some difficult problems to overcome, they still get a lift every day.
***
Aeronautical engineers say their work isn’t just rewarding, it’s also just plane fun.
***
Aeronautical engineers won’t take shortcuts because there are dangers associated with winging it.
***
An aeronautical engineer’s work will take off as soon as the company lands a lucrative contract.
***
The seasoned meteorologist retained a top-level team of attorneys in the hopes of weathering the storm of controversy.
***
Surviving a long-standing controversy, the meteorologist kept her job as weather anchor because of a flood of support from her fans.
***
When the Zero family had their first child, they wondered if he would grow up to amount to anything.
***
When the TV station aired a program on climate change, the station’s switchboard was flooded with angry callers.
***
A Japanese-Italian mathematician was given an honorific title of Pi-San.
***
The newly graduated hydrologist started his own consulting firm and did extremely well for himself.
***
The brilliant psychiatrist was told he needed more years of training and experience because he was too Jung.
***
The senior psychiatrist was exposed for padding his professional resume with Freudulent degrees and awards.
***
In any serious study of the universe, cosmologists like to start at the beginning.
***
The deaf physicist discovered a new wrinkle to the old sine wave.
***
Astronauts have elevated the “mile high club” to even greater heights.
***
The staid conservative meteorologist got stinking drunk one night and threw caution to the winds.
***
The deaf mathematician wrote his equations using sine language.
***
The ASL interpreters at math conferences have developed a friendly sine wave.
***
When Pluto was downgraded from the category of planet to dwarf planet, it retained celebrity status because it still traveled in the same circles.
***
You must read all geological research summaries with some skepticism because they almost always are based on faulty data.
***
When there are problems with the results of a geological study, there is always an effort to determine where the fault lies.
***
Geologists on the cutting edge of their fields have to be willing to rock the boat.
***
During the tumultuous 1970s, it was easy for a geologist to get stoned out of his gourd.
***
Once he started with drugs, the senior geologist slid down the slippery slope until he hit rock bottom.
***
You wouldn’t think a geologist’s marriage would be any rockier than anyone else’s, but it is said they often quake in their boots.
***
A geologist’s child’s worst nightmare is to receive a chunk of coal in his Christmas stocking.
***
When geologists get older, their bodies go from rock solid to sedimentary.
***
When the geologist’s obsession with the formation of the earth’s mantle interfered with his state of mind, his wife wished he could have the plate removed from his head.
***
Geologists rock!
***
A group of geologists got together and formed a rock band taking the name “Tectonic Plates.” Their musical specialty was the oldies.
***
On long research digs, geologists pass the time playing the child’s game, “rock, paper, scissors.”
***
When geologists find seashells and fossils of ancient sea creatures on mountaintops, they know the area was once ocean front property.
***
Astronomers as a profession are generally a positive group. They’re always looking up.
***
The meteorologist called in sick because he was feeling a little under the weather.
***
I hear physicians don’t make good patients because they can’t take their own medicine.
***
The invention of the seismograph did shake up the world for geologists. You could say it rocked their world.
***
The impact of the seismograph affected the work of geologists on a grand scale.
***
Continental drift was first discussed as early as 1912, but it took a concerted effort to eventually float the idea with scientific bodies.
***
Climate deniers living in Florida are hedging their bets by investing in boats and flotation devices.
***
Climate deniers moving to Florida are building their homes on stilts.
***
Realtors in Florida are anticipating sales to climate deniers by advertising beachfront property 40 miles inland.
***
In 2006, after careful study, astronomers downgraded Pluto to a dwarf planet. But in some academic orbits, Pluto is still a planet.
***
Chemists do it because of the chemistry between them.
***
Physicists do it because of the attraction.
***
Q: In the classic physics thought experiment, is Schrodinger’s cat alive or dead?
A: Yes.
***
Q: In the classic physics thought experiment, is Schrodinger’s cat alive or dead?
A: No.
***
Schrodinger’s cat had another problem. He couldn’t make up his mind whether he wanted inside the house or out.
***
When the operator of the atomic clock was asked if he was ready to start it up he said, “Just a nanosecond.”
***
When the operator of the hourglass was asked if he was prepared to start, he said, “Just a minute.”
***
Astronauts do it in orbit and it’s called docking.
***
Conservationists frequently do it after forest fires and it’s called reseeding.
***
Computer programmers do it and think of it as coding.
***
Chemists are always experimenting with doing it because they like getting the reactions.
***
Physicists like to experiment with doing it because they get a charge out of probing the nucleus.
***
Some in the public believe the banjo is somehow related to string theory.
