To stay connected socially, do snails use shell phones?
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Someone needs to create a pesticide specifically for all those things that bug you.
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The young and inexperienced rancher called the veterinarian because someone told him that the newborn pony was a little horse.
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The eagle didn’t mind growing older, because he felt he became more distinguished as he became bald.
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In order to tuna fish, you have to start with the scales.
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Q: What do you call a seagull that’s easily fooled?
A: Gullible.
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Horse whisperers work their wonders because their voices are a little hoarse. They work even when they have a little colt.
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The thought that feathered dinosaurs were ancestors of present day avians is a theory for the birds.
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Recent discoveries indicate that virtually all species of dinosaurs were cold-blooded killers.
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The giraffe and elephant were neck and neck throughout the race, but coming down the home stretch, the elephant nosed out the win.
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No-Fly-Zone: An enclosed patio space perfect for insect-free parties.
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Archaeopteryx was the first dinosoar to fly.
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Of all the birds who entered the contest to determine who could fly the highest, the seagull was the soar loser.
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Dinosoars are thought to be ancestral to birds for a reason.
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After the annual high altitude race everyone’s wing muscles were tired, but the seagull was the worst soar loser.
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Have you ever wondered if chickens use fowl language?
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Archaeologists have discovered fossil bones of a new species of fierce flying dinosoar they’ve named Pterrordactyl.
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When the rooster crows so early in the morning, do the hens wake up in a fowl mood?
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The duck was the first in her family to graduate from medical school and her parents were so proud when she hung her shingle as the first medical quack in town.
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You would think migrating geese would find it easier to fly when the weather turns fowl.
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Are all arborists interested in their own family trees?
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If a cow ever became a witch, would she be burned at the steak?
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I think I know why a tree’s leaves turn red in the fall. They’re embarrassed their limbs are going to be buck-naked soon.
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The first thing a beaver learns in a computer class is how to log in.
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In considering the construction skills of beavers in the animal kingdom, they are a dam site better than all others.
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When beavers construct a dam, they always make sure they have food nearby to stave off that gnawing feeling.
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After the accident, the owl was in a coma for a while. When she came to, she didn’t remember “who” she was.
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Owls have special wing feathers that muffle their passage through the air. They are the true stealth fliers.
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When the turtle CEO of the company travels on business, he says he doesn’t need a housing allowance.
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When turtles go into business, do they always start out as a shell corporation?
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At the first annual fundraising marathon, the tortoise won by a hare.
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When the turtle was in an accident, he was laid up for a time. His recovery was lengthy and he came out a shell of his former self.
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The joke, “How do porcupines make love?” is an old one. But what’s the point?
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The conservation group decided to re-seed the fire-ravaged hillside with young trees to spruce up the place.
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The logging company rejected the conservation group’s recommendation to stop clear-cutting with the reply, “What fir?”
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The vision of an eagle is so sharp, it’s been called “sight for soar eyes.”
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The young man selected to be valedictorian at Shepherd School declined because he was so sheepish.
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Shepherd School students wool always be there for ewe.
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Shepherd School students learn how to maintain discipline with their flocks by keeping the rambunctious ones in line.
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Shepherd School students study hard to avoid being caught up the crook without a paddle.
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Learning universal principles in livestock management, Shepherd School graduates take with them the sheep herd around the world.
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Chickens are actually highly trained eggsperts.
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Personality-wise, the chicken was eggsasperating.
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The chickens were advised not to use the emergency procedures except under eggstreme circumstances.
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Ineggsperienced pot-smoking chickens have to learn how to eggshale.
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Chicken farmers are quick to remind customers to mind the eggspiration dates on the egg cartons.
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Sometimes a coroner chicken may be asked to eggshume the body of the deceased.
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After a high-production day, chickens are often eggshausted.
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The eggsplorer chicken was praised for her leadership with the polar eggspedition.
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In order to maintain good health, the chicken started a program of strenuous eggsercise.
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Chicken introverts have a hard time eggspressing themselves in public. They tend to lay low.
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After the argument, the chicken eggstended her wing as a gesture of reconciliation.
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When the rooster came into the yard, the hens were pretty eggscited.
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When the chicken came across the problem, she managed it to the eggstent she could.
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The chicken team leader took the time to eggstoll the progress everyone made.
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The chicken paleontologist believes a gigantic meteor strike was what caused the mass eggstinction of bird-like dinosaurs.
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The chicken robber eggsclaimed she was innocent, but the detectives knew she would crack.
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The chicken psychiatrist finally convinced her patient that the imaginary demon didn’t eggsist; he could finally see the world as sunny side up.
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When great grandfather Rabbit died, he left the family hareloom pocket watch to the eldest grandchild.
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The rabbit barber was a highly skilled hare specialist.
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Baby rabbits can be a hare-raising experience to new parents.
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The ram stand-up comedian was booed off the stage because his jokes were so baaa’d. No, they just weren’t punny.
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When the gang of mollusks was apprehended, their lawyer advised them to clam up until he had a chance to advise them.
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The doctor couldn’t say what was going on with the mollusk because the only symptom was mussel pain.
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Cats have a glorious and legendary history as gods in ancient Egypt. Their descendants won’t let us forget it.
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Coming from a long history as gods in ancient Egypt, cats have evolved with a sense of entitlement and meow they think they own the place.
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When the wolves held their first family reunion, everyone agreed it was a howling success.
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When the beaver needed dental work, he got his replacement buckteeth at the dollar store.
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The old beaver had let his dental hygiene go for so long, it had finally started gnawing at him.
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Beavers concerned with cosmetic appearances can’t really do anything with their major overbite.
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For the longest time, insurance coverage for beavers didn’t include dental. That bites!
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Beavers spend a portion of their time beautifying their pond because they want to make their dam site better.
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The polar bear made a convincing argument for climate change because of her judicious use of floe charts.
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In the forestry industry, lumberjacks dance to logarithms.
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The raptor decided he wanted to become a salesman because he felt he’d be good at hawking wares.
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After recovering from flying into a high power line, the buzzard took on the nickname “Buzz.”
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Owls usually have a fly-by-night hunting routine.
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With that mischievous smile, you know that Peregrine Falcon is up to no good.
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When raptors start dabbling in investments, you know vulture capitalists won’t be far behind.
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It’s a little-known fact that sage hens are as wise as owls.
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The mockingbird didn’t have many friends because of the way he treated everyone.
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Crows often don’t do well socially because they’re always bragging.
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After very humble beginnings, the red bird rose to cardinal in the Catholic Church.
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Most birds use social media and know how to tweet.
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Sometimes parrots act like mockingbirds. At least that’s what they say.
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It is a known fact that quails are fraidy cats.
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This one Bobwhite prefers you call him Robertwhite until he gets to know you.
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Hummingbird mothers are overly protective of their young. They tend to hover.
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A flicker is the only North American bird species that will flick you the bird.
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The woodpecker is the only bird that suffers headaches just getting a meal.
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When they get their nose out of joint, woodpeckers have a hard time getting dinner.
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Woodpeckers are fussy eaters. They eat one peck at a time.
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Penguins are such party animals. They’re always dressed and ready to go at the drop of a top hat.
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You rarely see penguins in handsome lead roles, they always end up as the butler.
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The roadrunner is a cousin of the cuckoo. Crazy, huh?
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Roadrunner is the top salesman of the Acme Explosives Company because he runs circles around everyone.
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The sand hill crane got his contractor’s license and started his own construction business.
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The sage grouse was fastidious and complained about most everything.
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It is a little known fact that a seagull’s literary collection contains only one volume: “Gulliver’s Travels.”
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The boobie is an awkward bird and there is some flap over how it takes off and lands.
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When roadrunners go on a trip, they generally take to the roads.
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When looking for a job, canaries avoid any openings in coal mines.
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Penguins are an uptight, proper type. You’ll never catch one dressed casually, especially at the beach.
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Q: Among arborists, which tree is the favorite?
A: The poplar.
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There is an ongoing controversy over which came first, the chicken or the egg. Word of advice: avoid the hard boiled advocates on either side.
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The conundrum of the chicken and the egg appears to be unsolvable. We may just have to let it lay.
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The solution to the question of which came first, the chicken or the egg, may just have to wait for some creative mind to hatch the solution.
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The chicken and egg conundrum seems unsolvable. It if comes to a wager, don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
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A witness observed a feline writer working on her laptop on the beach and reported her to the Grammar Police for sandy clause in the middle of July.
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When Pelican placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the checkout attendant asked, “Paper or plastic?” She answered, “Oh, never mind. I brought my own pouch.”
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The opinionated cattle rancher was known for not taking any bull from anyone.
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Fox was disappointed that Turtle didn’t come to his defense, but Turtle was afraid to stick his neck out.
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The Owl Detective Agency specializes in cases of whoodunit.
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It is a well-known fact that lions take great pride in their extended families.
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As Thanksgiving approached, the leader of the band of turkeys took charge and said, “Let’s get the flock out of here!”
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Arborists have an easy time researching their own family trees and relish their findings. They don’t pine over the good ole days and can leaf behind the unimportant stuff.
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Whenever the beaver colony moved to a new area of the pond, the head beaver’s son always brought up the tail.
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The young and handsome mollusk actor worked out and was proud of his finely chiseled mussels.
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Ornithology students taking their final exams know better than to try and wing it.
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Donald Duck worked hard and completed his medical studies, but wasn’t granted his medical license because they said he was a quack.
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Beaver needed some dental work to replace his front teeth and instead of a porcelain bridge, he thought he’d buck the trend and go with gold.
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A young beaver went out with the group to a local bar and happened to meet a toothsome female.
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The bats in the belfry learned soon enough it was a crazy idea to build their homes there.
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Beavers that become vampires have a difficult time because instead of puncture wounds, they inflict blunt force trauma.
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Beavers lead a mostly leisurely life around the pond but sometimes they seem not to give a dam.
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Did you know that a favorite nickname for a vampire’s pet wolf is “Fang?”
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The senior landscape designer had long worked in the area but had the reputation of being a hack gardener.
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The landscape gardening profession is rooted in a highly skilled tradition.
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The mallard was struck and sustained a concussion when someone shouted, “Duck!” and he turned and waved.
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When your friend decides to undertake farming carrots, turnips, and radishes, you just have to root for him to succeed.
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The Mollusk family business had been in operation for many generations, but no one knew what exactly they did because it was a shell corporation.
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The graduate of the Shepherd Academy showed poor judgment when he arrived at the Halloween party dressed in wolves clothing.
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The graduate student at the Shepherd Academy received poor marks in the section on identifying predators because he frequently was caught woolgathering.
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If you hear barking out in the woods, what’s the likelihood it’s a dogwood tree?
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The graduate of the Shepherd Academy was so subtle, people didn’t realize he was pulling the wool over their eyes.
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When the shepherd was asked if he knew about the recent spate of sheep rustlings he answered, “Yeah, I herd.”
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When the tipsy chicken started swearing like a drunken sailor, the bartender told her she had to stop with the fowl mouth.
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The chicken celebrity took advantage of her fame and came out with a line of perfume designed to mask fowl body odors.
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When chickens get caught in a rainstorm they get soaked, their feathers get ruffled, and they give off a fowl smell.
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Chickens who are raised properly grow up showing clear respeck for their elders and for each other.
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The alligator was nicely decked out, wearing his own shoes.
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The tuna went to the wedding of his best friend dressed in a sharkskin suit and was roundly criticized by his family.
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When the turtle traveled to the site of the Olympics, he had no trouble with housing.
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The beaver felt lucky to get the job as head engineer on the construction of the new dam site, but appreciated more that his dental care wouldn’t take a big bite out of his earnings.
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The beaver had perfect teeth, but only because he had braces as a child.
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The beaver tried to avoid smiling and exposing his teeth because he had a terrible overbite.
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You would never know it by looking, but beaver has two porcelain crowns in front.
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Beavers are forever biting things out of an urge that gnaws at them.
